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*Why lawyers want couples to make up after the break-up
 
Resolving issues with a series of round-the-table meetings can save heartache as well as money. Jon Robins on the rise of 'collaborative law', and right, a woman left out of pocket by her ex-partner gets some expert advice
Sunday January 15, 2006
The Observer
Divorces are traumatic at the best of times and can destroy whatever might be left of failing relationships, turn children against parents, devour much-needed cash and drag on for years. Breaking up is hard to do, but does it have to be hell?

A growing number of divorce lawyers claim 'collaborative law' is a revolutionary way of splitting up that reduces heartache and saves money. A couple of weeks ago, Sue, a 39-year-old mother of three, received an early Christmas present: an envelope containing a decree absolute. It marked the official end of her 14-year marriage to John.
 
Sue and John first went to see their lawyers in March last year, and have had six round-the-table 'collaborative' meetings in which their complicated affairs were sorted out. 'I can't say that it has been easy,' says Sue. 'In fact, the meetings have been totally draining. At the end of each one I've been in floods of tears. John has been there to give me a hug.'
 
In the course of those meetings, the former couple have resolved childcare arrangements for their three children (aged seven, 10 and 11), and the sale of their £600,000 house. 'We've gone through a process that was always going to be painful, and we've now come out the other side with dignity intact and the children's best interests preserved,' says John, a 41-year-old businessman.
 
This time last year, the couple had just endured a miserable Christmas living under one roof with their relationship in tatters. One year later, they both believe that the break-up has in some ways brought them closer together. 'Yes, John pisses me off still and I imagine I do him, but we've agreed a way forward together for the sake of the children,' Sue says. 'That's real progress.'
 
If this all sounds commendably mature on the part of Sue and John, it's the exception. In fact, the couple are divorce guinea pigs. In the coming months, the government is expected to give the approach its approval by launching a pilot scheme that gives public funds to couples who are eligible for legal aid.
Collaborative law is a US import. The idea is simple: you and your solicitor sit around a table with your partner and his or her solicitor (known in the jargon as 'a four-way meeting'), to sort out childcare and other issues without the involvement of the courts. You have to agree from the start that you aren't going to drag each other through the courts unless negotiations break down - and then you'll have to instruct new lawyers.
 
'There are a lot of people who are interested in this alternative. It provides them with an opportunity to take an adult path - to try to resolve things without ending up in acrimony, particularly where there are children are involved,' says Suzie Hayman, a counsellor and spokeswoman for Parentline Plus.
The process seems so sensible that it is hard to understand quite why divorce lawyers haven't been doing it for years. Many are now evangelical about the new approach and its ability to transform the emotional devastation of divorce into something more positive.
 
Hayman reckons that the legal profession's new enthusiasm is 'probably a question of guilt'. 'Many lawyers have walked away from a situation realising that not only had they not helped but that they had actually made matters worse,' she says. 'There is incredible damage done to children by divorce when divorce becomes a fight. It is not the fact that you divorce that harms children, but how you divorce.'
 
Jane Oakes, head of the family law department of Cambridge firm Lorimer Longhurst and Lees, advised Sue. She believes that collaborative law gives clients 'overall control' of the process, in particular as to the information disclosed and the time that it can take. She reckons it can be much quicker than a traditional divorce, and cheaper. Oakes says fees for her clients are on average £3,000. A contested divorce could easily swallow £40,000 and drag on for 18 miserable months before being resolved.
 
For Sue and John, there were six meetings between March and June. 'It's not for everyone but it worked for us,' says John. 'You have to be clear in your mind about what you want and to be willing to flex the client muscle. You need to remind the lawyers that it's our party, not theirs.'
 
For more information about collaborative law, see www.collabfamilylaw.org.uk

 

The Times January 28, 2006
How to part on the best of terms

In a busy month for divorce lawyers, Sarah Anticoni looks at new ways to break old ties 
 
 
AFTER the Christmas and new year festivities end, the hostilities come to a head. Family lawyers are now dealing with the rush of divorce proceedings that begin in January. Times Money examines the ways in which couples can separate their finances without further deepening the rift.

Can couples decide between themselves how their assets should be split?
 
Yes, but first they should each take independent legal advice. This helps to manage expectations and measure how the assets (homes, savings and the rest) are likely to be divided in court. A court takes into account the family's needs and resources, the length of the marriage, your ages and the contributions that you have made.
 
How should assets be divided?You must first draw up a list of all assets, including bank accounts, Peps, Isas, endowment policies, life policies and shares. You should state the value of all assets at a particular date. You must then agree how they should be divided, taking into account the need to provide a home for you and for your children and income to support them. Any agreement must be sent to the court for its approval, otherwise it could be revisited later.
 
I think I need a lawyer. How much will I pay?
 
Family law solicitors charge by the hour (VAT is added to the bill) and the cost can be between £150 and £400. Resolution (www.resolution.org.uk) is an association of more than 5,000 solicitors who follow a code of practice dealing with clients in a sensitive, constructive and cost-effective way.
 
Are spouses likely to lose half their assets?
 
 
Not necessarily. However, in the case of a "long" marriage, of more than 15 years or so, capital is generally divided equally if there are no dependent children. The court must not discriminate by giving greater weight to financial contributions during a marriage rather than housekeeping. In some circumstances inherited wealth may not be divided. Pre-nuptial agreements are not binding in English law, but may have "evidential value".

 
 
Can mediation help?
 
Mediation is a method by which an independent person works with the couple to resolve issues. Once proposals are made by the parties, they can be written in a memorandum of understanding, which can then be converted into a court order at a later stage.
 
What is collaborative law?
 
This is relatively new. Specially trained collaborative lawyers give advice and guidance to their respective clients and then seek to resolve the issues. At the outset, collaborative lawyers and clients enter an agreement disqualifying the parties from going to court. For further information, visit www.collablaw.org.uk or www. londoncollaborativelawyers. co.uk.
 
What is forum shopping?
This is the practice of looking for the best jurisdiction in which to get divorced. There must be some connection between you and the place. For example, being domiciled there or habitually resident in that country.
 
For wives, England is a good place to get divorced and is bettered only by New York and California. France is not such a good divorce location for wives. French wives tend to fare much better in the
UK courts.
 
 

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