Being on your best behavior isn't just a matter of good manners anymore. It's about ensuring that your trip doesn't get derailed and that you don't find yourself being detained or even jailed!

To be honest, I'm hesitant to address business travelers on the subject of behavior and manners. Not because I don't have lots to say on the subject, particularly as it applies to travel. But mostly because I consider the folks who read these columns to be a well-mannered, professional, civilized, and compassionate bunch. Individuals who, though regularly provoked by fellow travelers and travel-vendor and security personnel, refuse to raise their voice, lose their temper, or demonstrate abusive behavior. Why, you're all the very models of modern manners mavens! You'd never cause trouble, even if your anger and frustration with how you are treated is often justified.

(And as a life-long questioner of authority and rule challenger, I feel a bit hypocritical cautioning others to "follow the rules." But I'm older, although not necessarily wiser. So I've learned that there are times when you best keep your thoughts to yourself and comply.)

That said, I remind myself that even the most sanguine and restrained among us can lose it. And some of us, let's be frank, are so stressed out that it takes little provocation to set us off these days. (Sleep deprivation alone heightens our nervous system's response to just about anything—or anyone—that gets in the way of our travel agenda. And who knows what even the most self-controlled among us will do if we're intoxicated?)

REPEATED ENCOUNTERS, INCREASED HOSTILITY

Almost anyone can shrug off a one-time encounter that leaves them angry and shaken. But what if you're a really frequent traveler who routinely encounters the same challenges and problems? After being wanded and patted down and ordered about by security screeners who shout at you as if you're deaf as well as dumb for the umpteenth time, who hasn't struggled to resist speaking our mind? And what does it matter if most airline personnel treat you well  when you're path is regularly crossed by a few who are seemingly hell-bent on imposing their personal misery on you?

On the flip side, some travelers are anger-challenged folks who see and create trouble where none exists—or who can escalate a simple misunderstanding or miscommunication into an epic confrontation. (If you're one of those folks, admit it and get professional help to deal with your issues and temper. You'll lower your stress level and reduce your risk of provoking or escalating situations.) These road warriors are unhappy and angry before they arrive at the airport. The travel experience, admittedly flawed, is just one more opportunity for them to vent their hostility and dissatisfaction with life in general.

WHEN BEHAVIOR—AND ATTITUDE—ARE SECURITY ISSUES

But these days, "losing it" isn't just about displaying bad manners or inappropriate behavior. Today, if you mouth off, fail to comply with a directive, confront, or give attitude (as construed and defined, subjectively, by airline staff and security personnel), you can find yourself in a lot of trouble. Like being detained by airport security. Maybe even being jailed. You don't have to be a real troublemaker to find yourself in big trouble. You just have to be perceived as one!

The New York Times' Joe Sharkey recently devoted two columns to the implications of the Transportation Security Administration's new enforcement policy. In a nutshell, the new guidelines provide screeners with more discretion to set fines and more authority to call you on your remarks or behavior.

If you pack a banned item, for example, you can no longer just slough it off with an apology, no matter how sincere. Now the item is not only confiscated, but the screener can also fine you ($250 up to $7,500 depending on where you're searched and whether you're carrying an actual weapon or firearm, although how you'd overlook packing one of those is beyond me). And the screener gets to factor in so-called "aggravating" and "mitigating" factors, which include your attitude, previous violations, and your travel experience. Think that's going to set off more than a few travelers who honestly forgot what they packed?

But fines for packing banned items may be the least of it as Sharkey explains in "Airport Hurdles and the Nonflying Nuns." Sharkey rightly questions how some screeners will handle their expanded authority when they can impose "fines and sanctions...for offenses such as 'nonphysical' interference with screening."

What, you may ask, is "nonphysical interference"? According to the TSA spokesperson Sharkey pinned down, it's "...any conduct that interferes with a screener's ability to do his or her job." She cited the example of "...a passenger directed to secondary screening and they're verbally abusive, and the screener has to shut down the checkpoint." And if that isn't an ambiguous and broad enough definition, she went on to say that it includes "any nonphysical situation that in any way would interfere with the screener and his or her ability to continue to work, or interfere with their ability to do their jobs."

Yikes. Is it just me who is having visions of out-of-control TSA screeners jumping on anyone, no matter how polite, who responds to or questions their actions? I'd like to believe most checkpoint screeners are too professional to let their own emotions get in the way of their professionalism. But I'm not that naive.

Consider yourself warned. Need an example of how a simple situation can quickly escalate into major mayhem? Read on. (If you don't need any more convincing that you should keep a lid on your behavior, skip ahead to How to Avoid Trouble, below.)

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I didn't think much of the following item when I first saw it. I considered it an anomaly and something that wouldn't happen on a U.S. carrier. But after reading travelers comments (posted in online blogs and bulletin boards) on related incidents on U.S. and foreign carriers, I'm more concerned about the possible fallout for such "misbehaving" travelers.

The Ombudsman column in Condé Nast Traveler's January, 2004, issue devotes two pages to the sobering saga of a family who flew Mexicana Airlines to Puerto Vallarta and ended up detained at the airport police station. Their "crime": They used the toilet in the Executive Class cabin (They were flying coach.) after a flight attendant forbid them to do so.

Apparently the flight attendant was so disturbed by the disregard for the directive that the FA spoke to the captain who drafted a note for the passengers (the Meisel family from Evanston, Illinois). According to Henry Meisel, who wrote a letter to CNT's Ombudsman, the captain's note "accused us of endangering the safety of other passengers and threatened to invalidate our tickets home." Meisel, who says he was "stunned by the absurdity of the accusation..." admits that he laughed. A big mistake, he realized too late. (According to Mexicana's crew, Meisel's reaction "caused further disruption to the passengers seated near him." The carrier, according to CNT, viewed the incident "not as a case of passengers being denied permission to use the Executive Class bathroom, but of its crew responding to a situation that they felt could compromise the safety and well-being of the passengers in their care." (!)

When they landed, police boarded and Meisel and his wife and three children were piled into a patrol car and taken to the airport police station. Mexicana's captain filed a report. Meisel typed up their statements, paid a $420 "administrative fee," and they were released. After visits to the U.S. Consulate and the Mexican Government Tourist Office, Meisel was notifed that Mexicana had dropped all charges. The $420 fee was returned and Mexicana subsequently issued the Meisels a $200 credit.

Neither I nor CNT's Ombudsman were present so there's no way to tell which version (the Meisel's or Mexicana's flight crew) is accurate. But this much is clear: Disobey the orders of a flight crew and you could find yourself in big trouble.

CNT's Ombudsman found Mexicana's actions to be "defensible." Citing the recent increase (from $1,000 to $25,000) in the penalty for unruly in-flight behavior, the Ombudsman cautioned fellow flyers to heed and follow "directions from a flight attendant, no matter how trivial or unrelated to aircraft safety, they may seem..."

TRAVEL LESSON #2: KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF!

You'd think an airline pilot would have the maturity and good sense to refrain from inappropriate behavior. Think again. Maybe it's the fatigue. Maybe it's the uniform. Maybe it's personal ego or arrogance.

In January, an American Airlines pilot was arrested and fined almost $13,000 when he made an obscene gesture while being photographed by South American immigration officials at the Sao Paulo airport. The pilot, like many others, objected to the new procedure of fingerprinting and photographing U.S. travelers. Unfortunately, he picked the wrong form to express his dissatisfaction.

The Lesson: You're entitled to your opinion, but if you express it via words or gestures, expect to pay the consequences.

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HOW TO AVOID TROUBLE

When faced with a customer service, security-related, or other problematic situation, either on the ground or in the air, ensure that you respond in a way that does not jeopardize your own safety and well-being or compromise your travel plans.

► Don't think you are immune from serious trouble. Hey, nuns have been ejected from flights—and they did nothing except make a clearly questionable flight crew "uncomfortable."

► Don't try to "pull rank." Your nationality, frequent-flyer program status, title, company, wealth, or connections mean nothing. And shoving them in the face of a typical airline, immigration, or security employee when you're behaving badly or not following rules, won't save your ass. If anything, these folks may become even more determined to teach you a lesson by making you an example to discourage others from challenging them.

► Be polite and respectful. Everybody likes being treated well and some folks, especially those with just enough power to make your life miserable, demand it. Failure to show respect can quickly escalate even a minor situation.

► Don't take rule enforcement personally. You may feel like you are being singled out (and, in fact, you may be) but, generally speaking, it's not about you, but your failure to follow instructions and rules.

► Comply, politely, with directives. Register your complaints later.

► Don't view encounters as power struggles. Yes, you are the customer. But there are situations when that role is secondary. At a time when almost everything is considered a safety or security issue, being the "buyer" is irrelevant. And these days, even the most professional staffers are so stressed-out that they'll respond poorly when pushed or repeatedly challenged.

► Think before you speak. Take a breath. Compose yourself.

► Speak as slowly—and calmly—as you can. Raising your voice immediately escalates any situation.

► Say nothing! This is particularly important for the more volatile and vocal among us who rush to respond. Take time to listen and then internally review your options before speaking or acting.

► Repeat what you've heard to be sure you are correctly understanding what you've been asked to do. Many times, one or both parties will misstate something. Anger (or fear) often reduce our ability to hear clearly.

► Monitor your physical behavior, including your expressions and gestures. Try to stay as passive and neutral in your demeanor as possible. Just as someone else's expression can trigger a negative response in us, we can set off someone else by moving close to them, throwing our hands about or near them, making a face, or using obscene gestures.

► Avoid verbal or physical threats.

► Remember: It's not about being "right."

► Know your personal hot buttons. For some, it's a tone of voice, a look, a perceived attitude, a lack of understanding, or a failure to help as quickly or in the manner we wish.

When triggered, take a breath, make a mental note that this is happening and remind yourself to not respond. It's not easy to de-program ourselves, but it can be done. (Pretend your spouse or boss or someone you respect is standing next to you.)

► Respond in the moment. I read a psychology factoid once that said something like 95 percent of our response to something happening now is based on our experience in the past. Focus on this situation, not all the other problems you may have had in the past with other staffers.

► Consider your location. The repercussions from your actions may be more serious when you're out of the country. What may be viewed as a minor problem here, could land you in jail elsewhere. More importantly, your resources and rights may be limited.
► Don't drink when you're at the airport or in flight. Even if you don't think it alters your behavior, there's a good chance that it may, and not for the better. When someone smells liquor on your breath, they won't need a breathalyzer to stop you from boarding or otherwise interfere with or question your travel plans. And if you begin to complain or challenge anyone when you've been drinking, your words and actions are likely to be almost automatically ignored. Unfair as it may seem (a few drinks does not make a drunk), staffers have to deal with too many real drunks to test your blood-alcohol levels. They'll simply label and tune you out.

► Get more sleep. Studies have shown that sleep-deprived folks are generally more cranky and anxious than their more well-rested counterparts. We're less likely to respond inappropriately when we've had a good night's sleep, or even a short, solid nap.

► Cut down on air travel. Some folks find it more restful and less problematic to drive as much as six or seven hours. When you can't deal with the system, bypass it.

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Got a tip or suggestion on how to stay cool and calm on the go? E-mail your thoughts and I'll share them in an upcoming column.

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